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Driving around in la belle but crazy Province
Some of you may have noticed some slight differences in driving regulations in Québec as opposed to Ontayrio or oder places where people drive like wimps. First, here's what the traffic lights colors mean here:
| RED | proceed with caution, make sure dere's no cop around. |
| GREEN | go ahead |
| YELLOW | honk loudly and floor it like dere's no fucking tomorrow |
Anoder particularity is de fact that it's illegal in Montréal to turn right on the red light (but some of us do anyway). In the rest of de province, it's legal but only till recently, and you can't do it everywhere. You can't turn if a building is on de corner. You can if it's a boulevard crossing a boulevard but not a street crossing a boulevard (aldough you can if it's vice-versa; I tink) If it's raining, you can in some towns but not in oders (check local listings). You can't if you driving a truck, but sometimes you can depending on conditions and size of said truck. And on de night of de full moon.. how de hell should I know? Why so many fucking questions, just make your turn and forget de rest, for chrissakes.
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| Party down with la Bonhomme Carnival |
On de green and yellow however, it's anoder matter entirely, and any pedestrian foolish enough to try to pass in front of you should be considered fair game. In fact, it should be impressed upon you that pedestrians and automobilists are in a state of war: pedestrians cross anywhere and whenever they pretty damn please with a slooow and deliberate pace, pretending not to notice the onrushing traffic, and dey are very fond of the two-step crossing maneuver: starting to cross as soon as the near lane is clear of traffic, den standing in the middle of the street like so many damn sitting ducks waiting for the opposite lane to clear. Drivers retaliate by pretending to confuse the brake with the trottle, and by making sure to pass close enough to dose fucking morons standing on the divider that dey can feel the air turbulence. Dat's de way we do tings around here, you don't like it, you go back to Ontayrio or wherever. Who gives a fuck about safety, we're making a statement here.
