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La No Asskicking

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Hello à nos amis la anglos amaricains and canadiens

Hi, I'm Quérmit la Frog. It's been brought to my attention recently dat anglophones have problems feeling at home in la Québec; dey feel lost, unable to understand our culture and strange habits, and can't seem to fit in. Well, despair not; as weird as our mentality and customs seem to be, you too soon will be able to feel, act and talk like an ostie d'frog. I've taken upon myself to make dis page just for you, to help you come to terms with our alien nature.

Plume Latraverse
La chanteur populaire that he is always saoûl as un plotte

In dis site, you will learn how to drive like a true québécois, talk like a true québécois, eat poutine like a true québécois, and swear like un tabarnak de true québécois.

I suggest you start with the rules: "How To Avoid Having La Ass Kicked" and learn what to do and what not to do if you don't want to be sent back to where you came from à grands coups de pieds dans l'cul.

In the vocabulairy page, you'll find a french primer. Apparently, it's fashionable for you anglo people (especially in New England) to pretend to speak french in order to sound learned and cultured. First, I tink dis is stupid: french-speaking people are not especially smarter dan english-speaking ones, or serbo-croatian for dat matter. Second, you suck at it, and it shows like a wart on your nose dat you just pretend. Not to mention your accent: you sound like you're trying to speak wit a moutful of hot potatoes. So wit dis primer you'll get some help; I don't suppose you will finally learn to pronounce Mario Lemieux's name correctly, but one can hope.

Den you can familiarize yourself wit our driving customs; it won't necessarily avoid you getting maimed or killed, but at least you'll be warned.

Finally, the recipes section will show you how to make pâté chinois and poutine. Keep in mind however dat you will have to eat it.

Have fun in la Québec, and come again! We need de money.

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